Willingness

Willingness is saying every yes. It's a whole-heartedness in all that I do. 

Willingness is being present with every relationship and in every situation.

It's an agreement with myself and the universe to do my best work always. 

It is through willingness that I experience my life as my own.

Mama Rosa

I saw Brian Blade tonight.

In seeing his band, I realized his important it is to make your life your church. To find yourself in situations of unified intention that are in line with your intention. Be it in bands, business, matters of the heart, living situations, friendship, or anything else you intersect on a regular basis, that is how you can make your life your own. How you can make your life personal. How to have a life you love that challenges you to be the person you want to be.

Failure

Michael Topping and I went on a hike today and we were talking about failure and how much opportunity there is in failure. 

We agree that there is more often more opportunity in failure than in success. 

When you fail, your deficits become apparent. You learn what you need to improve. 

When you succeed, you're aptitudes are the most apparent. We usually know where our aptitudes lie. We hide behind then. We employ them as often as possible.

Our deficits are what we haven't learned yet, so often our deficits are hidden to us.

Failure allows the opportunity to see the holes in our thinking. To learn and then to set new goals for moving forward.

I asked Michael if there was anything you can do that gives more opportunity than failure.

He answered, "Asking questions."
Such a great answer!

Asking questions allows you to fail without the pain of actually failing. The opportunity to learn lessons through the understanding of other people's thinking - through their failures - without expending the resources a person has to expend in order to fail on their own.

We also believe that people have to come to their own conclusions. They have to learn their own lessons. That we all have resources through which we can become better informed and that can help us succeed, but our own success is our own responsibility.

So, although you can become informed by asking others questions.
- By studying the thinking of others. By really listening to the information provided to you. - The most valuable thing you can do is ask yourself questions.

Through asking yourself questions you allow yourself to come to your own conclusions.

Through this, your successes are your own successes and your failures are your own failures. At that point, there is opportunity. Opportunity to learn, then to help yourself, and then to help your community.

Michael and I wrote this together. We like it.

"With every mistake we must surely be learning." - The Beatles - My Guitar Gently Weeps

Equality

My Grandma passed away yesterday.
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Needless to say, I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things these last two days. Mostly this:

I've been thinking about how everyone is the same.

Women People, Men People, Disabled People, Nicaraguan People, Chinese People, African American People, Cigarette Smoking People, Addicted-To-Heroine People, Rich People, Living-In-The-Slums-Of-Brazil People, White Power People, Buddhist People, Spiritual People, Atheist People, Short People, Famous People, Young People, Old People, Republican People, Homeless People.

That on the surface we seem different. We look different. We act different. We speak differently languages. We believe in ideals - with fervor - that are often substantially different. Given the same situation, we make different choices.

Even recognizing those differences, I still believe that everyone is the same. That the differences we perceive between people are illusory.

That we are not different because of our physicality or our choices in life, but the same because of the challenges we face.
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My Grandma passed away today. I was close to my Grandma. I loved her deeply.

She was the most loving person I've ever met. She prayed every day for the well-being of her family, her community, and for peace. She loved unconditionally and lived only to serve. You couldn't leave her house hungry. Impossible.

I loved my Grandma, so today I am in pain. I feel pain for the loss of someone who was important to my growth and development as a person. I feel the pain that comes with losing someone who I loved and who loved me.

I believe that all people feel this loss the same way. The White Power People and the Disabled People. The Famous People and the Old People. Given this situation, everyone has the same pain.  Given this situation, people may act differently, but those actions stem from the same pain.
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I don't believe we are different because of our differences, I believe we are the same because we all face the same challenges and the experience the same joys.

When people are challenged, there is pain. When there is joy in the life of a person, there is happiness.

Again, on the surface the challenges look different. Losing a job, losing a loved one, losing your position in life, losing friends. These all represent different experiences situationally, but at the core are all the experience of loss.

Everyone knows the experience of loss. White or Black. Rich or Poor. It's a pain everyone knows and it's a pain everyone knows the same way.

In the same way, we all know joy. Success is a powerful joy. It's a joy that people will strive towards relentlessly. Most interestingly, people can feel successful doing all sorts of things. Running fast, making money, stealing from others, empowering others, getting ahead of others, controlling others, making others happy. Although it's easy to judge "how" people find the joy of success, we can all understand the joy they experience.

To me, recording the countless, tiny differences between us before recognizing the systemic similarities seems short-sited.

I believe that we are all the same and that our "differences" simply represent own unique manifestations of this "sameness."  

That we are same because we share the same path.  A path that takes us through joy and through pain.  That to be a person is to be a person.

That the content of our lives my vary wildly, but the context of being alive is shared by everyone.
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I'm sad today because I miss my Grandma, but I am hopeful because of this thinking:

I see clearly that we are all the same and because I can see that clearly, countless other people must see that clearly, too. I am a normal person. I play saxophone. I am a teacher. If this is something I can see, countless other people must see this, too.

If this is true, then people are starting to have the capacity to truly recognize each other as equal. Normal people can recognize this. This is new. This is amazing. And everything will change.

I believe we are all the same. The same in life and the same in death.
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I'm grateful for the time I shared with my Grandma and thankful for all that I learned from her.

I want to be my Grandma when I grow up. She loved unconditionally. Everyone. She was amazing.

10 Years

Choosing to be a musician was the best choice I've made in my life.

The rewards, the challenges, the friendships and the profound sense of community, performing, teaching, and of course practicing - for me, this path has been perfect.  Ideal.

I know now that practically speaking, choosing to be a musician was a horrible idea.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into - I got good grades in school.  I could have been a doctor or something.  Instead, I'm poor. I'm tired. My body is sore from practicing.  None of these things are things I would have chosen on purpose.

Choosing to be a musician was the best choice I've made in my life.  Not because it has been easy, but because of how I've been challenged.

Along this path, I've been consistently challenged and challenged in ways that have often been painful.  Every challenge, though, has been a challenge to be more honest.  To be a better person.  To give more deeply.  To be more present.  To be more grateful.  To treat people unconditionally.  To learn from others - younger and older.  To listen to my heart and to really make choices that come from the best part of me.

Being a musician was the best choice I've made in my life.  Not because it has been easy, but because of how I've been challenged.  And through these challenges, I've learned how to be honest. How be a part of a community. How be myself.

And so you know I'm not kidding...
I'm writing this after working - practically straight - from 7:30am this morning until 11pm tonight.

I made the decision to become a musician about 10 years ago.  I was 17.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  Luckily, choosing to be a musician was the best choice I've ever made.

Thank you everyone who has been a part of my life these last 10 years.  I've learned so much with and from you.

It's Too Hot For A Doughnut.

The videos are up from my time at the Second Story Garage with Kent McLagan (b) and Jay Ellis (d). 

You can watch the videos here including an sweetly awkward interview with Jay, Kent, and I. Boy, was this a fun session. I remember laughing the whole time. 

My favorite video from this performance? Definitely the tune, "It's Too Hot For A Doughnut!" Those words are the title and the lyrics. 

Kent gave me a hard time about that one.
He did not agree that it was too hot for a doughnut.

It's Too Hot for a Doughnut!

Danny Meyer - Saxophone

Kent McLagan - Bass

Jay Ellis - Drums

You can watch the rest of the videos as well as videos from other local Boulder artists here.

Bebop

I can play bebop.  Not like Charlie Parker could play bebop, but as well as any other 27-year-old white guy from Colorado can play bebop.  I can play bebop well enough to love doing it.

That wasn't always the case.   I had a really challenging time learning to play this music.  First, because it's really pretty hard.  Second, because I had a sort of resistance to learning it.  I wanted to play "my own" sounds.  Today, I still want to play "my own" sounds, but I realize now how helpful learning the language of bebop is in helping find those sounds.

This last Sunday, I went to an afternoon jam session run by a great pianist named Scott Martin at a local coffee shop.  Here's a recording from the session.

Scrapple From the Apple - By Charlie Parker

Scott Martin - Piano

Patrick McDevitt - Bass

Alwyn Robinson - Snare Drum

Danny Meyer - Saxophone

Since then, I have been reflecting on why I love playing bebop.  I think it's because it feels like dancing.  I think it's the closest to dancing you can get with two left feet.  Sadly, have two left feet.  Luckily, I have bebop.